101 Ways to Intimidate People!
by JocelynMcC
Summary: It was finally time to show Jane who was wearing the breeches around the CBI. JISBON/JELLO


**A/N**** I:** _So the book I'm referring to doesn't exist. But the tips do. You can view them on askmen dot com. Enjoy! Oh! And please read the full summary below._

**A/N II:** _Thanks go to Jennifer, my beta-reader. :)_

**Disclaimer: **_Nothing's mine. Take pity upon me!_

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**Title:** 101 Ways to Intimidate People

**Author:** Jocelyn McC

**Rating:** T (?)

**Categories:** Flirting, Friendship, Fluff

**Pairing:** Teresa Lisbon & Patrick Jane

**Plot/Preview:** _Lisbon stared at the book she had bought the week after having met Patrick Jane for the first time. The title read "101 ways to intimidate people" by Mr Mafioso. Flipping it open, she grinned to herself and thought it was finally time to show Jane who was wearing the breeches around the CBI._

_Do not post anywhere else without the author's permission._

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CRIME SCENE

JANE/LISBON

**#37 build uncertainty and mystery**

"What did the guy want?"

"What guy?

"The one you've just been talking to."

"The cop?"

"Cop it is. So what did he want?"

"Ah!" Lisbon said, waving her hand. "Nothing of import."

"Seemed of great importance from where I was standing."

…

"You know, I'm just gonna go over there and ask him right on."

"No, you're not. Jane! Jane, stop it. Alright, he asked whether a certain person was available for a date in the foreseeable future."

"Ha! I knew it."

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CBI HEADQUARTERS

MINELLI/JANE/LISBON

**#****55 remain silent and composed**

"JANE!!!"

"Yes?"

"What the hell were you thinking?"

"Sir?"

"Oh don't play nice and innocent on me. I know your ways. I want a perfectly fine reason for why you thought it a good idea to accuse the attorney general of being biased."

"Sir, really, all this agitation isn't good for your blood pressure. You should try my earl grey every once in a while."

… "LISBON!!!"

"Boss?"

"I want you – I want you to take this mischief-maker and get him out of the county for at least a week. Do whatever it takes. Just make sure there are no witnesses."

"Righto boss."

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LISBON'S CAR  
JANE/LISBON

**#72 let your reputation talk**

"Where are we?"

"You'll see in time."

"Come on! You've been silent the whole ride. At least tell me where we are headed so that I can calculate on when I'm allowed to relieve my bladder."

"Your bladder will be fine in about half an hour."

"What if I can't hold it that long?"

"Pity."

"You're going to let me pee on your seat?"

…

"Lisbon?"

…

"Showing me your gun won't help matters. You know all the anxiety makes me squirmy."

…

"Right. I'm just gonna pee in 3, 2,-"

"We're heading to a hut just outside of Bakersfield."

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BAKERSFIELD, FISHING HUT

JANE/LISBON

**#81 scary, like a clown**

„Why are you still single?"

„Excuse me?"

„I was just wondering, we've known each other for six years now, and I've never seen you go on a single date."

"My love-life is none of your business."

"Geez! I thought we were friends, Tess. You know, you can talk to me. I'm not gonna call your granny if you wanted to out yourself."

"Says the guy, who lives in celibacy."

"But I do take an interest. Take that cop that asked you out, for example. He seemed okay. Well, in a Harry Potter kind of way."

"Who said he asked me out?"

"You said-"

"-that he asked a person out. That doesn't necessarily imply who that person is."

"But if he …?"

"I told him you were available on Fridays and Saturdays. He's gonna call you next week."

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STREAM NEAR FISHING HUT

JANE/LISBON

**#95 show anger in short bursts**

"Give it back."

"But you look so fetching."

"Give. It. Back."

"Those Legs!"

"Jane."

"And your ankles. I have a thing for ankles, mind you."

"Jane!"

"No, really. They fascinate me. Yours especially."

"JANE!"

"Here's your towel, woman. No need to scream. I'm just gonna take another turn in the stream.

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BAKERSFIELD, FISHING HUT

JANE/LISBON

**#12 size helps**

"If you put on another sweater you won't fit through the doors."

"I'm easily cold. Now let me set up my WLAN."

"I can't even see where your arms end and your torso begins."

"And you need that knowledge for-?"

"Well, if I had to grab you suddenly, I need to know where to put my hands."

"Luckily for you, you won't have to grab me; neither suddenly nor generally."

"You want me to leave you behind?"

"Yes, pirate's code, the man who falls behind, is left behind. Sod it! This isn't working."

"I agree, I could never live with myself."

…

"Lisbon?"

"Yes?"

"I'm gonna grab you."

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THE END! For now. :) xxJo


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